What the Sitter Wants

There isn’t a specific chapter in TRUST that deals with the expectations of the sitter (the person receiving the reading), but there are heaps of references throughout the book. After all, the sitter is the focus of a Mediumship reading — no sitter, no reading, even if the reading is for you. If you are not ‘present’ the reading is pointless.

At a recent meeting of our evening Circle, I posed the question to those who were present, “What does a perfect reading look like to you when you are the sitter.” In other words, ‘what do you want from a reading?’

We were small in number on that beautiful warm Summer night, so there was heaps of time for philosophical discussion.

The answers I received were a stark reminder that people turn up to a Mediumship demonstration with quite different expectations.

In our Circle that night, each person gave a different answer. There were similarities, but no two answers were the same. I have to say that this amazed me.

One person said that a very clear description was absolutely necessary so that the Spirit was identified because that message had no meaning without knowing who was delivering it. This person often missed or forgot the message while wrestling with who the Spirit might be — very interesting.

Some people put more weight on the message and others cared more about being reunited with old friends — the message was secondary — all very interesting.

DOES THE PREFERENCE OF THE MEDIUM AFFECT THE TYPE OF READING THE SITTER RECEIVES?

Amazingly, the answer seems to be, no. This question naturally flowed on from the realisation that each sitter wants something slightly different from a reading.

This was startling news. How does the Spirit World ‘arrange’ for a reading to exactly suit the sitter? The short answer is that they do, but the longer answer is that this arrangement seems to work more smoothly with experienced Mediums — so constant practice is important.

Someone once said (jokingly) that readings would go much more smoothly if we didn’t have to have sitters.

The relationship between a Medium and a sitter is a complex one and a ‘good’ reading can often be the result of a Medium who understands this relationship and all its complexities.

In our Circle, when we are in development mode, all Mediums, experienced and beginner, bring through evidence of the continuation of the Spirit after death. The differences in the appearance of the readings comes from the experience of the Medium.

Recently Trevor, our tutor, suggested to one of our Circle that they should open their eyes when they deliver their evidence. The reading went from stalled to ‘flowing’ in the blink of an eye. Trevor understands how important it is to observe your sitter when you deliver information.

In truth, there are a myriad of things happening during a reading and a Medium needs to be aware of all of them. It’s a complicated job and it requires practice.

If you have the ability, you will receive information, but it is what you do with that information that marks you as a successful Medium.

Probably the most import consideration is giving your sitter time to digest the information. This is incredibly important. Sitters can freeze up when they are in the spotlight. This explains why we hear people come up to us after a reading and tell us that they could place the information we gave them — eventually. Naturally, we wish that they had acknowledged that DURING the reading, but maybe we just didn’t give them time enough to work it out, or more importantly, maybe we missed the telltale sign of them realising they did know a Fred, but now they are too embarrassed to say it out loud after vociferously denying all knowledge of anyone named Fred.

Knowing that sitters have a bias towards certain outcomes can help us pick up the early warning signs and deal with the sitter’s requirements.

This would be much easier in a one on one reading where we are free to ask questions — we can hone in on what the sitter wants much more quickly, but during a platform reading we are working with one hand tied behind our backs because we cannot ask questions — we must observe and intuit.

Bent out of shape

Feedback

Taken from TRUST: what it feels like to be a Medium.

Feedback.

I have learned that a Medium must learn to live with ‘not knowing’.

We do our job, we make a connection, we deliver a message.

Very little of this is about us, we are simply the vehicle.

In Circle, we give each other feedback on a reading.

It is great to know who we brought through and what that person meant to the sitter, but out in the world, this rarely happens.

It is most unusual for anyone to come up to me after a reading and tell me who I brought through for them.

It is delightful when it happens, and I have many great memories from when this has happened, [see ‘Emily’ in the short stories at the end of this book] but I have learned not to expect it.

My ego wants to know that I did a good job, but it is not essential to my performance as a Medium.

If for nothing else, not expecting feedback while knowing that I have made a good connection has prepared me for those times when no one claims a Spirit.

There are a hundred reasons why someone in an audience will not claim a reading, and top of the list is that this person was not well known to the sitter.

Grandparents and great-grandparents often come through, and these people can be difficult for someone to place.

They come through with heaps of evidence, but this is pointless if the sitter was six years old when they died!

This does not stop Spirit from trying.

Some Spirits can be very persistent.

I’ve heard sitters say, “This person has come through a bunch of times, and I don’t know who it is.”

Are you starting to get an idea of how complicated this job can be?

~oOo~

It’s one of those things that you take for granted when you sit in our Circle. Trevor encourages feedback from the sitter.

When you are starting out you really need to hear that you have hit the mark. It’s not ego, it is essential for building confidence.

For some of us, especially those of us who have not lived with this ability all our lives, it takes a while before we begin to believe that this is actually happening.

I know that you are saying, “You must trust,” but it is easier said than done when this ability appears to drop out of the sky!

I watch the new members of Circle (we have a steady stream of them as each year goes by) as they listen to the feedback from their sitter at the end of a reading and I often hear the Medium say, “Really?” when a confirmation is given. I can hear the slight disbelief in their voice, and I smile. Over time, this disbelief turns into delight as they get used to the idea of being correct.

These reactions are quite reasonable when you consider how the information comes through — often in fragments and seemingly random ideas.

These days, I gauge the effectiveness of my readings by a combination of the reactions from my sitter (this can be a mixed bag on many occasions) and the feeling that the Spirit gives me as I deliver the information and the messages. Since I have allowed Spirit to bring through emotions when I read (for a long time I was very reluctant for this to happen), I can tell if I achieved a good connection. Often the reading leaves me a bit emotionally drained. This can be a blessing and a curse. I find it to be satisfying if I can still feel the remnants of the emotion as I sit down, but on platform where there are a number of readings to do, it can make things difficult.

I have one colleague who never needs to hear feedback. He knows how well the reading went and that is enough for him. I have a foot in both camps — I know when I have achieved a good connection but I also see the delight of my sitter’s face as they relive the reading and tell me where I hit the mark. We both get something from that experience.

All human beings, including Mediums, need constant reassurance that they are on the right path. This is why being a part of an excellent open Circle (where new people are free to come and go) is essential — we consistently get to test the accuracy of our ability in a safe and supportive environment.

Responsibility

TRUST is now an AUDIOBOOK!!

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Soon To Be An AUDIOBOOK

In very exciting news: TRUST is soon to become an audiobook.

I’ll keep you up to date, but it should be very soon. I’m sorting out a company to distribute it (in the same way that Smashwords distributes the eBook).

To show my appreciation to those wonderful souls who have purchased either the paperback version or the ebook, I will offer the audiobook at half price ($10 AUS). 

In further good news: TRUST is now available on AMAZON as a paperback!

The Two Susans

This story is now part of SLIGHTLY SPOOKY STORIES.

The two Susans never met, but for a few moments, in this room, they existed for us in a most unusual way.

Our group had been meeting for more than a year.

Every Wednesday night, come rain hail or anything else for that matter.

The group was a little larger on this cold and frosty night. Someone had turned the heaters all the way up, and for a change, I didn’t complain. I could not get my hands to warm up. The noise from the heater was distracting but so was the potential chattering of my teeth.

A kind soul had switched on the urn, but the bloody thing took forever to warm up, and I was seriously caffeine deficient.

The noise of it warming up was also irritating, but I was prepared to forgive it as long as there was coffee at the end of it.

“Don’t bother mate. The bloody thing’s cold.”

The person putting a dampener on my caffeine ambitions was Paul. He is young and enthusiastic, two things I like; me being not young and occasionally enthusiastic.

“I’ll whack the kettle on, it’ll be faster.”

“You sir, are a legend.” My caffeine ambitions were back on track.

I knew almost everyone in the room with the exception of the older bloke sitting a couple of seats up and a teenage girl sitting about eight chairs around on my right.

New faces were nothing new. This group was a lot like that, even on a bitterly cold winter’s night. Word got around that something interesting was happening and friends of friends just turned up.

I’d been pasting up my latest book for the print edition, and I was glad to be out of the house. I love writing, but I dislike the stuff that goes on around it.

My back was a little bit sore, so I gave it a bit of a stretch while Paul put coffee and sugar in our cups.

For some unknown reason, no one had grabbed the comfortable armchair, so I staked a claim in the age-old tradition of throwing my scarf over it — tribal customs of the Hills people.

The caffeine was just starting to seep into my system when the group came to order. I’d spent the previous few minutes in conversation with various friends, doing the weekly catch up. Everyone wanted to know where my beloved was. “Crook as a dog, and it serves her right.”

“That’s not very nice,” was the oft-repeated reply.

“She knows that those bloody grandchildren of ours are walking Petrie dishes, but she will hug ‘em.”

“Grandmothers cannot help themselves.”

“Grandmothers, who are nurses, should know better.”

I wasn’t getting any sympathy, so I packed it in.

“Please say hello for us and tell her to get better soon.”

My beloved is very popular. Sometimes known as the Rainbow Warrior, she is about the height of the average sixth grader and has a heart as big as anything large that you can name. No one takes any notice of me when she is around, and fair enough too.

There was no set topic for this particular evening’s discussion, and the subjects bounced around the room quite energetically.

I was happy to sit and listen for a while, so I hid behind my coffee cup and soaked up the atmosphere.

I really do like these people. They don’t waste time talking about insignificant things. They feel the way I do; this time is precious. We spend the rest of the week wrestling with the world, and then we come here where it is safe, and people show each other respect. All opinions are valued.

It isn’t always discussion.

Sometimes people tell stories.

We have some excellent storytellers.

Like the night that our moderator told the story about his boss winning a full-size, fully operational ocean going dredge, in a poker game.

That story was hard to top, but a few of us gave it a try. I’ve had a couple of goes, but people know that I just make shit up. I can tell by the way they look at me. Mind you, as long as I can keep a straight face, I get them going. Especially the new members, the ones who haven’t been warned about me yet.

“You really came here direct from the airport, all the way from the US, just to be here tonight?”

“No Luv, I just made that bit up. Gotta keep things lively?”

“Don’t worry about him, you’ll get used to it, he does that all the time.”

Not ‘all the time’, just every now and then. When the spirit takes me, so to speak.

The two Susans turned up very late in the evening. I say ‘turned up’, but what I mean is, Betty was talking about a friend of hers who had died relatively young. She was diligently describing her, and I got the feeling that she admired this lady and she was missed. Apparently, she had a bit of style, dressed well and liked to spend time in classy little cafes, the kind that is hard to find these days since the advent of annoying American coffee houses.

She was just about to tell us what had caused this lady to die when Kate jumped in, “The woman you are describing sounds just like the mum of my friend from high school. How did yours pass?”

“Blood clot,  a few days after an operation. Worked on her like crazy but they couldn’t bring her back. What about yours?”

“Mine took her own life six years after her daughter stepped in front of a train. I was there at the time, and so was our friend. The daughter put her red headphones on, turned and waved at us and calmly stepped in front of the 4:05 to Finders Street. I could not believe what had just happened. I ran to where her body landed, and I put my arm around her and sobbed. The ambulance guys had to pull me away. It took a little while, but it destroyed their family, and after battling her grief for six years the mum had had enough, and she left us too. I’ve never forgiven myself for not seeing it coming. I keep thinking that I could have said something, done something.”

“It’s not your fault kid.” I heard myself say. “When people feel the need to leave they will find a way, and nothing you say or do has anything to do with that decision.” She seemed to understand, but it was obvious that she had carried this guilt for a very long time.

After a moment, the two ladies looked at each other and, at the same time said the same thing, “What was your ladies name?”

“Susan.” The two voices spoke as one, and a chill went up my spine.

My group members were not describing the same person but the details of their lives, with the exception of their passing, were close to identical. What were the chances of that?

We were all a little bit stunned by what we had just witnessed, so we sat in silence.

Eventually, our moderator said, “I think that we are going to remember this night for a long time to come. Some conversations just stay with you.”

He was right.

Eventually, people began to stir, and a few of us expressed our amazement at what had just happened. We gathered up our stuff, put the chairs away, emptied the glacially slow urn, and hoovered the carpet. Almost everyone had gone home by the time I reached the front door. It wasn’t my job to turn off the light and lock up, so I had time. I turned and looked at the now emptying room and thought about the two Susans.

I had a few things to tell the missus when I got home, but she was asleep, so I told the dogs.

They were happy to see me, and they listened intently while I told them the story.

I climbed into bed, and so did the dogs. We fought for a bit of space while I thought about the tenuous grip we have on this glorious life of ours and I wondered if my story would end up in a room on a cold winters night somewhere, sometime.

‘The Two Terrys’, now there’s a name for a story.

To Each Is Given

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/553819

Teamwork : a dog’s tale

It is amazing what can be achieved when people work together.

This story begins last Wednesday night. Our Mediumship Circle meets in an old shopfront in Upwey. The building is one of the oldest buildings (probably the oldest) in our district so there is always plenty of ‘activity’. Spirit knows that we meet there every Wednesday night and have done so for many years. We take a break for a cup of tea at around 9:30 pm and that is when we catch up socially, so it is rare for me to go outside at this time. On this night there had been some emotional upheavals among some of the Circle members, and I was picking up the energy. I walked over to the glass front door and gazed out into the night. The street was very quiet even though there are a few restaurants nearby. The cool evening had kept the diners away. Across the road from our shop, I could see flashing lights reflected in a shop window. I stepped out into the cold expecting to see a police car, but when I looked in both directions, there was nothing to see. I looked again, and the flashing lights were still shining back at me as a reflection in the window. When I looked at the downhill side of our street I saw one of our Circle members walking toward me (smokers are the only ones outside on a cold night). Playfully, I asked her if I was going nuts and could she see the flashing, reflected lights. I had forgotten that Wednesday night is ‘practise night’ for the local CFA team, and they were in the car park at the back of the shops (on a hill), and the lights were shining through the laneway at the side of our shop. As we talked and gazed out across the street, we heard the owner of the pizza shop call out, “Is this the dog from Magpie House?” I looked in his direction and told him it wasn’t Polly. At that moment, my friend and I looked at each other with the same thought — if we don’t do something this little dog will wander off and end up being run over. We called her, and the little dog ran up the footpath and greeted us warmly. No collar and no ID. I suggested that we bring her into the Circle and I would get a lead (we always have a spare lead or two) out of my car.

With her new lead on, the little dog made herself at home and charmed ever person in the room. Her presence raised the energy, and she spread herself around, trying not to play favourites. Trevor had dog treats in his bag ( I know what you are thinking, who keeps dog treats in their bag?) so the new member of Circle was very happy.

I went looking for anyone who might be looking for her, without success. I asked the police officer at the nearby railway station to keep an eye out for anyone looking for a dog. There was activity at the cafe a few doors down so I spoke to Sue, the owner, and told her about the little dog. At first, she was concerned that it might be her dog, but this turned out to be a false alarm. Sue asked me to take some photos and send them to her, and she would put them on her cafe’s FaceBook page. We both came to the conclusion that the dog must have come from close by.

By the end of Circle, no one had knocked on our door so Trevor took the little dog home with him (I was concerned about my little dog’s reaction to a newcomer).

The next day I got a message to say that the owner had been located (she did live nearby) and a reunion had been arranged. The dog’s owner was very happy to see her 12-year-old friend and offered a reward. Having these two reunited was reward enough, but the Scotch (we split it two ways with chocolates going to the lady who helped us catch the dog) went down well.

Who doesn’t like a happy ending?

All of this was achieved because a bunch of people worked together to help out a fellow creature (and her owner).

Interestingly, my friend, who was outside the shop when all this happened, said that she had been expecting a small white dog all evening. She is very new to Mediumship, and I hope this gives her confidence in her ability. Someone (her guides? her relatives?) was telling her to expect to see a little dog — and she did!

In the few days since this all unfolded, there have been many ‘ripples in the pond’.

As I write this, a little dog is back home where she belongs, and we are left to ponder.

 

How People See Us

Recently, we’ve had the pleasure of attending a couple of evenings where a prominent author was interviewed. The surroundings were spectacular — a one hundred and seventy two year old Baptist church in the heart of Melbourne.

The sound system was not great and the seats were hard, but it was a chance to listen to someone who does what I do, only more successfully. The two evenings were an interesting contrast. The first night we attended with friends and the interviewer and the author were very entertaining (William Boyd).

The second evening we attended alone and the interviewer was terrible and the author was just short of annoying. They both spoke very fast and the majority of the audience had little chance of understanding what they were talking about. The eye opener came when the floor was opened to questions. The audience’s questions were excellent and the author responded, and for a brief moment, she became moderately interesting. We paid our money and took our chances — one very good, and one was close to a waste of time.

Both nights involved a long train ride and a bit of time in the city — both good things.

In recent times, my role in ‘platform’ work has been to be the speaker. Most Mediums dislike this job and to be honest, most are not good at it. I would always prefer to be doing ‘readings’, but I guess it is my lot to be the speaker.

I must say that most of the time I enjoy speaking, but the challenge is always, ‘what to say’. I’m not an expert on Spiritualism I just happen to be a good Medium who isn’t frightened to get up and speak in front of an audience (and I wrote a book on what it feels like to be a Medium).

I’m not like the majority of Mediums I see about the place and I’m aware that this puts me in a position of being ‘judged’ in some way, and up until now I’ve been okay with that, but just lately I’ve been hearing people’s opinion of me (if I don’t hear it out loud I tend to ignore it) and it has been wearing down my confidence.

Isn’t it interesting that we are influenced so greatly by what other people think of us.

I’ve had a few people say that they go out of their way to come along when we are on platform, but I major on the bloke who fell asleep during my talk and the people who stay away when they know I will be speaking.

I remember watching this bloke fall asleep in the back row. He slowly slid to his right and eventually disappeared from sight. Unlike the bloke in this photo, my bloke was on the end of the row, so I waited for the bang as he hit the floor. I worked out that if my talk went on for 4 more minutes he would have hit the ground, but the polite applause at the end of my talk woke him up. It is amazing what goes through your mind when you are giving a talk!