Tag: spiritualism
What The Sitter Wants part 2
SO, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RECEIVE A READING?
When I posed the question, “What do you want from a perfect reading?” I should have realised that the question would eventually be asked of me — and it was. Fair enough, but at the time I was too busy being amazed by my colleague’s answers.
Fortunately, I’m reasonably good at thinking on my feet (even though I was sitting down) so I answered.
Like everyone else, I’m interested in which Spirit has come through, so a crisp description comes in handy. If it is an open reading (the Medium is not going directly to me), I tend to latch onto specific details. Recently, the Medium referenced sore knuckles (I had some due to a lot of typing and constant gardening), so I ‘tuned in’ and the reading was for me. This seems to be happening to me more and more — which is interesting. So now, the Medium has asked if they can come to me and I’m listening intently (my head tilts slightly when I listen intently, and my eyes glaze over when I’m not). I’m looking for physical characteristics and signs of a personality. This last one seems to be very important to me — I remember people by their personality. I listen to the words the Medium uses because I can pick up a turn of phrase that will give me a clue.
I’m a bit more tuned in than most people when it comes to readings because I participate twice a week in Circle. I’m tuned in to certain clues, and I know what to listen for. The average ‘sitter’ is under a lot more pressure than I am — they need more time to digest the information.
Most of all I want to be reminded of how good it was to know this person. I want to bask in the feeling of them. I want to hear that they remember me and I made a difference in their life. I also want to hear about what they are up to now, but this very rarely comes up in a reading, and I think this is a shame. From time to time I have experimented with bringing through a sense of what the Spirit is up to now, and it often reflects something that they loved to do when they were alive — which is very interesting to me.
When it comes to messages, I’m looking for encouragement and direction. I need encouragement on a daily basis — it’s like omega 3s, you cannot store them up, you need more each day. I like specifics in a message, and I love the message to emerge during the reading, not just at the end. I can always use a few insights as well, but I know these are rare and as everyone should, I filter the information and its value to me through the relative ability and intent of the Medium. I take some readings with a grain of salt while others are taken more seriously.
What the Sitter Wants
There isn’t a specific chapter in TRUST that deals with the expectations of the sitter (the person receiving the reading), but there are heaps of references throughout the book. After all, the sitter is the focus of a Mediumship reading — no sitter, no reading, even if the reading is for you. If you are not ‘present’ the reading is pointless.
At a recent meeting of our evening Circle, I posed the question to those who were present, “What does a perfect reading look like to you when you are the sitter.” In other words, ‘what do you want from a reading?’
We were small in number on that beautiful warm Summer night, so there was heaps of time for philosophical discussion.
The answers I received were a stark reminder that people turn up to a Mediumship demonstration with quite different expectations.
In our Circle that night, each person gave a different answer. There were similarities, but no two answers were the same. I have to say that this amazed me.
One person said that a very clear description was absolutely necessary so that the Spirit was identified because that message had no meaning without knowing who was delivering it. This person often missed or forgot the message while wrestling with who the Spirit might be — very interesting.
Some people put more weight on the message and others cared more about being reunited with old friends — the message was secondary — all very interesting.
DOES THE PREFERENCE OF THE MEDIUM AFFECT THE TYPE OF READING THE SITTER RECEIVES?
Amazingly, the answer seems to be, no. This question naturally flowed on from the realisation that each sitter wants something slightly different from a reading.
This was startling news. How does the Spirit World ‘arrange’ for a reading to exactly suit the sitter? The short answer is that they do, but the longer answer is that this arrangement seems to work more smoothly with experienced Mediums — so constant practice is important.
Someone once said (jokingly) that readings would go much more smoothly if we didn’t have to have sitters.
The relationship between a Medium and a sitter is a complex one and a ‘good’ reading can often be the result of a Medium who understands this relationship and all its complexities.
In our Circle, when we are in development mode, all Mediums, experienced and beginner, bring through evidence of the continuation of the Spirit after death. The differences in the appearance of the readings comes from the experience of the Medium.
Recently Trevor, our tutor, suggested to one of our Circle that they should open their eyes when they deliver their evidence. The reading went from stalled to ‘flowing’ in the blink of an eye. Trevor understands how important it is to observe your sitter when you deliver information.
In truth, there are a myriad of things happening during a reading and a Medium needs to be aware of all of them. It’s a complicated job and it requires practice.
If you have the ability, you will receive information, but it is what you do with that information that marks you as a successful Medium.
Probably the most import consideration is giving your sitter time to digest the information. This is incredibly important. Sitters can freeze up when they are in the spotlight. This explains why we hear people come up to us after a reading and tell us that they could place the information we gave them — eventually. Naturally, we wish that they had acknowledged that DURING the reading, but maybe we just didn’t give them time enough to work it out, or more importantly, maybe we missed the telltale sign of them realising they did know a Fred, but now they are too embarrassed to say it out loud after vociferously denying all knowledge of anyone named Fred.
Knowing that sitters have a bias towards certain outcomes can help us pick up the early warning signs and deal with the sitter’s requirements.
This would be much easier in a one on one reading where we are free to ask questions — we can hone in on what the sitter wants much more quickly, but during a platform reading we are working with one hand tied behind our backs because we cannot ask questions — we must observe and intuit.
Bent out of shape
Feedback
Taken from TRUST: what it feels like to be a Medium.
Feedback.
I have learned that a Medium must learn to live with ‘not knowing’.
We do our job, we make a connection, we deliver a message.
Very little of this is about us, we are simply the vehicle.
In Circle, we give each other feedback on a reading.
It is great to know who we brought through and what that person meant to the sitter, but out in the world, this rarely happens.
It is most unusual for anyone to come up to me after a reading and tell me who I brought through for them.
It is delightful when it happens, and I have many great memories from when this has happened, [see ‘Emily’ in the short stories at the end of this book] but I have learned not to expect it.
My ego wants to know that I did a good job, but it is not essential to my performance as a Medium.
If for nothing else, not expecting feedback while knowing that I have made a good connection has prepared me for those times when no one claims a Spirit.
There are a hundred reasons why someone in an audience will not claim a reading, and top of the list is that this person was not well known to the sitter.
Grandparents and great-grandparents often come through, and these people can be difficult for someone to place.
They come through with heaps of evidence, but this is pointless if the sitter was six years old when they died!
This does not stop Spirit from trying.
Some Spirits can be very persistent.
I’ve heard sitters say, “This person has come through a bunch of times, and I don’t know who it is.”
Are you starting to get an idea of how complicated this job can be?
~oOo~
It’s one of those things that you take for granted when you sit in our Circle. Trevor encourages feedback from the sitter.
When you are starting out you really need to hear that you have hit the mark. It’s not ego, it is essential for building confidence.
For some of us, especially those of us who have not lived with this ability all our lives, it takes a while before we begin to believe that this is actually happening.
I know that you are saying, “You must trust,” but it is easier said than done when this ability appears to drop out of the sky!
I watch the new members of Circle (we have a steady stream of them as each year goes by) as they listen to the feedback from their sitter at the end of a reading and I often hear the Medium say, “Really?” when a confirmation is given. I can hear the slight disbelief in their voice, and I smile. Over time, this disbelief turns into delight as they get used to the idea of being correct.
These reactions are quite reasonable when you consider how the information comes through — often in fragments and seemingly random ideas.
These days, I gauge the effectiveness of my readings by a combination of the reactions from my sitter (this can be a mixed bag on many occasions) and the feeling that the Spirit gives me as I deliver the information and the messages. Since I have allowed Spirit to bring through emotions when I read (for a long time I was very reluctant for this to happen), I can tell if I achieved a good connection. Often the reading leaves me a bit emotionally drained. This can be a blessing and a curse. I find it to be satisfying if I can still feel the remnants of the emotion as I sit down, but on platform where there are a number of readings to do, it can make things difficult.
I have one colleague who never needs to hear feedback. He knows how well the reading went and that is enough for him. I have a foot in both camps — I know when I have achieved a good connection but I also see the delight of my sitter’s face as they relive the reading and tell me where I hit the mark. We both get something from that experience.
All human beings, including Mediums, need constant reassurance that they are on the right path. This is why being a part of an excellent open Circle (where new people are free to come and go) is essential — we consistently get to test the accuracy of our ability in a safe and supportive environment.
Responsibility
TRUST is now an AUDIOBOOK!!
Soon To Be An AUDIOBOOK
In very exciting news: TRUST is soon to become an audiobook.
I’ll keep you up to date, but it should be very soon. I’m sorting out a company to distribute it (in the same way that Smashwords distributes the eBook).
To show my appreciation to those wonderful souls who have purchased either the paperback version or the ebook, I will offer the audiobook at half price ($10 AUS).
In further good news: TRUST is now available on AMAZON as a paperback!